Going Commando (With No Muffin Top)

 

Among my greatest fears: becoming infected with flesh-eating bacteria, being stranded in the shark-infested open sea, having a muffin top.

And let's face it, that last one is by far more likely to happen to most of us (size zero scuba divers notwithstanding). Material Girl is a little soft in the middle, but I know the appropriate size and rise of jean to wear and I skip certain articles of clothing on non-skinny days, thus generally avoiding the dreaded and unattractive waistband spill-over.

But, even after slimming down a few years ago, I'd never found a brand of tights that was not muffin-top inducing. (They all lived up to their name.) I love the look of tights and I like to wear skirts and dresses in cooler weather when bare legs are inappropriate, so I kept trying. I'd find a new brand, put them on in the morning, and head to the ladies room 10 minutes after arriving at work to de-tights. They were uncomfortable and made me feel both self-conscious and a little a nauseated. I tried buying larger sizes, but they were baggy in the legs and still too tight at the waist. I even tried snipping waistbands, but then I'd just have to tug at my tights all day as they slipped down.

Then I discovered Commando tights. They have a high, non-rolling waistband that actually looks like it's meant to go on a full-grown woman's body when you pull it out of the package. They are comfy and create a smooth line even under clingy dresses. The last few years I could only find them in black and brown (both footless and footed), so I was very exited to get a box of colored and patterned tights from ShopBop recently. Last week I wore a ribbed red pair with Foley + Corrina black velvet shorts purchased from a MYHABIT event, black Frye harness boots, and a favorite gray glen plaid jacket I got from the Gap a million years ago when they still made good stuff--it was very Angus Young meets Rachel Bilson.

If you are a tights fan, give Commando a try. You can find an array of colored opaque tights (red, purple, army green and more) plus sheerer styles including fishnet, polka dot and lace. They will transform your fall and winter wardrobe and you'll be doing your part to help us achieve a muffin-top free world. (Find varying Commando tights styles at ShopBop, HerRoom and Bare Necessities.)

Searching for Things That May Not Exist

It's a snowy day here in the hometown of the Material Girl HQ, and dressing for cold snowy days annoys me. Every time it snows I look in my closet and remember that I have no appropriate footwear and nothing appropriate to wear other than jeans.

I ask you fellow shoppers. Do the following exist?

• Cute snow boots that work with non-skinny jeans. Yes, there are plenty of furry/fleece-y knee high snow boots out there. These are great if one is in Utah skiing or on some such wintery vaca. I merely want to walk to and from my car, keep my feet warm, and look moderately stylish doing it. Material Girl does not do skinny jeans. I possess too much T&A (that's tummy and ass) for them, so tucking jeans into snow boots is not an option. Here's what I want: I cute pair of shortish boots, perhaps a little faux fur, ankle-ish height, that won't look weird under my bootcut or flare Gap demin. I also want a little bit of a heel--a wedge would be nice. I perused Zappos, Piperlime and Endless this morning and I found only one pair that could possibly work, the Marisa boot by Maxine of Canada, but they seem to only exist in size 10. (If you wear a 10, and share my snow boot desires, the black suede version pictured is nicely on sale on Endless--snap them up.)
• Tights that don't give me a muffin top. That T&A I mentioned above? Let's just say the A is tad firmer than the T; the T is a little swishy here and there. And the top of tights--they're just too tight. I look at tights when they come out of the package and the elastic always seems more the appropriate size for my ankle than my midsection. I don't want to wear a soft jersey dress and make myself bulgy underneath. And why do they always stop north of the navel? I prefer to wear my skirts lower on the hips, and it's not attractive to have tights going six inches above the top of a skirt. I really love the look of tights, particularly with shorter skirts and boots. I love to wear skirts in winter but I hate chilly breezes whooshing up my bare legs. I ask you fellow shoppers: Can you give me a recommendation for tights that won't squeeze my tummy like Mr. Whipple on a roll of Charmin? I've got several months left of winter and I'm tired of choosing between jeans and goosebumpy gams.