If you know me very well, you probably know I'm a fan of the infomercial. Truth be told I cannot flip past one without stopping to watch. Proactive Solution makes me cry. Total Gym get me fired up for my next workout. That lady with the hand blender thingy who make fat free whipped cream in a plastic cup in seconds--well she amuses me greatly. And don't get me started on the force of nature that is Ron Popeil.
Although I love to watch infomercials, it's rare that I actually make a purchase. I did get the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer when I was pregnant and fruit-and-vegetable-juiced my way through 41 weeks of healthy pregnancy. (I still use it and I still like it.) Recently Cheapy bought a razor blade sharpener from TV. You know, because razor blades are expensive. Every morning I hear him using the cheap plastic battery operated device (which was $14.99 plus S&H), and he's getting a clean close shave--no nicks--and I haven't bought a $20 package of Mach III Turbo blades since.
When I was stuck in a beach house with my in-laws for a week this summer, I often headed back to my bedroom after making my oatmeal to escape the cacophony and enjoy some morning TV--talk shows, Lifetime movies and infomercials. And there I discovered Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty. Ah, what the hell, though I. I'm not getting any younger. I'll give it a try. I grabbed my cell phone and ordered the whole enchilada of face goodies (including bonus gifts!).
Apparently Cindy developed these products along with her French dermatologist using an enzyme from a melon that never seems to rot. It took me almost one month to get my shipment of products. I followed the directions exactly. I used them morning and night. I thought maybe my skin was feeling a little softer. Maybe. I wanted to give them some time--it can take a bit for your face to adjust to new products.
So here's my verdict: they are on their way back and I'm expecting a full refund per their 90-day money back guarantee. The first week my face felt a little dry. The second week, flaky. My makeup was not going on very well. I broke out around my mouth. Week three I had a rash on my neck and chest. It itched. (I suspect the decollete cream may be to blame.)
Cindy, it seems, has skin that has not aged a day since the early '80s. She may drink the blood of virgins, or perhaps she sold her soul to the devil, or maybe she's a cyborg of some sort. But I suspect she's simply got some damn good genes. And while her Meaningful Beauty products purport to do wonders for her and Mariel Hemingway, these products are definitely not for me.
After three days back on my old regimen of Burt's Bees, Yes to Carrots, Sonya Dakar 365, and Arbonne, I'm feeling much much better, and so is my face.