Confession: I Love Infomercials (but Not Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty)

If you know me very well, you probably know I'm a fan of the infomercial. Truth be told I cannot flip past one without stopping to watch. Proactive Solution makes me cry. Total Gym get me fired up for my next workout. That lady with the hand blender thingy who make fat free whipped cream in a plastic cup in seconds--well she amuses me greatly. And don't get me started on the force of nature that is Ron Popeil.

Although I love to watch infomercials, it's rare that I actually make a purchase. I did get the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer when I was pregnant and fruit-and-vegetable-juiced my way through 41 weeks of healthy pregnancy. (I still use it and I still like it.) Recently Cheapy bought a razor blade sharpener from TV. You know, because razor blades are expensive. Every morning I hear him using the cheap plastic battery operated device (which was $14.99 plus S&H), and he's getting a clean close shave--no nicks--and I haven't bought a $20 package of Mach III Turbo blades since.

When I was stuck in a beach house with my in-laws for a week this summer, I often headed back to my bedroom after making my oatmeal to escape the cacophony and enjoy some morning TV--talk shows, Lifetime movies and infomercials. And there I discovered Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty. Ah, what the hell, though I. I'm not getting any younger. I'll give it a try. I grabbed my cell phone and ordered the whole enchilada of face goodies (including bonus gifts!).


Apparently Cindy developed these products along with her French dermatologist using an enzyme from a melon that never seems to rot. It took me almost one month to get my shipment of products. I followed the directions exactly. I used them morning and night. I thought maybe my skin was feeling a little softer. Maybe. I wanted to give them some time--it can take a bit for your face to adjust to new products.

So here's my verdict: they are on their way back and I'm expecting a full refund per their 90-day money back guarantee. The first week my face felt a little dry. The second week, flaky. My makeup was not going on very well. I broke out around my mouth. Week three I had a rash on my neck and chest. It itched. (I suspect the decollete cream may be to blame.)

Cindy, it seems, has skin that has not aged a day since the early '80s. She may drink the blood of virgins, or perhaps she sold her soul to the devil, or maybe she's a cyborg of some sort. But I suspect she's simply got some damn good genes. And while her Meaningful Beauty products purport to do wonders for her and Mariel Hemingway, these products are definitely not for me.


After three days back on my old regimen of Burt's Bees, Yes to Carrots, Sonya Dakar 365, and Arbonne, I'm feeling much much better, and so is my face.

Talking Products: Hits & Misses in the Drugstore Cosmetics Aisle

Since I discovered stores like Aveda, Origins and Sephora years ago, I seldom venture to the cosmetics section of the drugstore or grocery store anymore. Lately, however, I've been drawn there by ads or magazine articles or perhaps the invisible force of Max Factor. Here are few things I've been test driving.

Burt's Bees Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil
There are many Burt's Bees products I like and use regularly (my daily shower would not be as happy without Soap Bark & Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream and Citrus & Ginger Root Body Wash). But when it comes to lip balm, I've been a loyal Rosebud Salve user for years. But then a magazine ad for this Burt's Bees lip balm made me wonder if it's really wise to continuously put a petroleum product (petrolatum) on my lips. So I gave the Burt's Bees balm a try--and I'm hooked on it. It feels nice, has a pleasant taste, offers a hint of tint, and it makes my mouth feel smooth and happy. It's also a great base for lip color. (One should never paint lipstick onto a chapped canvas.)

L'Oreal Endless Lipcolour
Speaking of lipstick...lately I've been searching for one that really stays on, which is a bit of a switch from my usual lip tints and sheer lip colors I've been wearing for the last five years or so. But lipstick and I--we're old friends. In the '80s I went through tube after tube of a L'Oreal variety in Toned Up Taupe, a pinkish beige with a hint of frost. In the '90s I went more bright and bold--L'Oreal Colour Endure in Wild Violet or Kiss Me Red. Colour Endure was awesome. It wore well and and it felt great. I've still got a few long thin gray tubes of it in my vanity table, but I was told by Charlotte, a L'Oreal Customer service person, that they no longer make it. Unhappy news. Charlotte suggested I check out L'Oreal's website for an alternative, which is where I discovered Endless. It came also came in a long skinny tube, and, says the site, it offers a "tattoo effect" for your lips. I was game. I bought Never Ending Rose. It's a great shade for me and it stays on well, but my lips felt like the Sahara--dry dry dry and hardly kissable. I miss Colour Endure (which is available here and there online and on eBay). My relationship with Endless has ended.

Yes to Carrots Eyes and Face Makeup Remover
I read about a Yes to Carrots product in Jean Godfrey June's column several issues of Lucky ago. She loved the product. I happened to see a Yes to Carrots display one day as I was walking through Walgreens, and, since I was in the market for something new to wash my face with, I decided to give Yes to Carrots Eyes and Face Makeup Remover a try. I've been using a rather expensive cleanser. Or actually not using it. Generally by the time my day winds down--after I work, pick up Cheapy Jr., run random errand, cook dinner, clean up, get Cheapy Jr. to bed--the thought of pinning back my hair, getting out a wash cloth and waiting for the water to warm up seems really hard. For more than 20 years, I actually took off my makeup with Pond's Cold Cream. I loved how it smelled and it reminded me of my grandma. Once I found my current facialist, however, this was no longer allowed. (I had some seriously clogged up pores, whiteheads, etc. Mineral oil--not so great for the face.) And besides the washing my face thing being hard, I also missed the creamy loveliness of the Pond's. This Yes to Carrots makeup remover gives me that creamy lovliness, it makes my face feel almost as soft as Cheapy Jr.'s, and it's made from good ingredients like carrot juice, minerals and Dead Sea mud. I absolutely love this stuff. And I'll definitely be trying other Yes to Carrots products--I have a feeling their Body Butter will be awesome.